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Joke (because we care)

by on March 13, 2014


Question: Why is the West so dedicated to “standing with Ukraine“?
Answer: Because we care about human rights and democracy.

(End of joke)


If you don’t believe that’s a joke, imagine this wasn’t about a peninsula in the Black Sea, but about a place with the geopolitical significance of Andorra or the Vatican. Think any of the major players would still give a hoot about human rights? The irony of course being: you only get to be a major player by having a certain tolerance for such trifles.

President Obama (click here for some more funny material – note what a convincing actor he is!) won the Presidency in an award-winning campaign, got a Peace Prize, before continuing disregard for principles held dear for 800 years.
Response: Give the man a break – he isn’t George Bush, that’s gotta be worth (worse?) something.

Question (no joke, but a little rhyme at the end): What did he run on?
Answer: Very vague promise for change. Then concrete promises to end Guantanamo (still 155 detainees), and nuclear weapons (a “lonely quest” with NO success“lead” and “start” became a jest!


Being European (Swiss/EU), I’d better stick to own crimes:
– UK makes thousands of deals with states committing human rights abuses
– Germany has an official no-more-nice-guy policy
– and Switzerland is a bona fide merchant of death.

The latter is nothing new, by the way. The pope didn’t chose Swiss protectors for fun. We didn’t get to be the number one secretive banking nation by being cute with Jews.

“We are a neutral country. Have some chocolate!”
“All warfare is based on deception.”
All Cretans are liars.

Here’s another joke for you:
When Nicolas Hayek of the Swatch group implored Federal Councillor Deiss to prevent our selling crucial parts for US cruise missiles, he said “No, but we’re neutral because we refuse flyover rights.” Take a quick look at this map to see how much that must have interfered with Daddy Bush’s bombing campaign.* Probably a sophisticated pre-emptive strike for the US antagonists to die laughing.

(* I’d have written “Gulf War One” or “First Iraq War”, but first of all it wasn’t a war. “A war is when two armies are fighting.“)

Like any self-respecting hypocrites, we keep modern mercenaries on our doorstep rather than in our living room.

Next step: (william) tell the Swedes where to put their fighter jets. This will probably fail because the deal is linked to Swiss jobs (SIP) – gotta hand it to the warmongers: they know strategy! Still: Why should we have fighter planes to defend WEF when all the potential aggressors are attending!

And the only other time we ever needed the old jets was during the Euro 2008 soccer tournament, after clever UEFA duped the host nation to provide free protection. Rule one: “The basic principle of our economy is that the public pays the costs and takes the risks, and profit is privatized.” Forced labour for the Swiss equivalent of FEMA, and the army was also recruited.

One last joke (couldn’t make this up): half a million spent to “protect” ourselves against 200 of our own teenagers. The Swiss army provided a “free” helicopter “training flight”. (Surely, this had nothing to do with it being May 1st!) To be fair: the previous year, 3000 kids came to this event which traditionally involved starting in one village with a full crate of beer, and arriving in the next with the contents emptied. First finisher got the bottle deposit. Further repeats of the event were eventually killed by legal posturing. Organised drinking and walking now only possible during the even-more-traditional annual check of village borders.


“The real value of a conflict, the true value, is the debt it creates.”
-from The International, supposedly based on two financial corporations – the Canadian-based Permindex Trade Organization and the Pakistani-based Bank of Credit and Commerce International. Source:

Great tagline “Is your money making a killing?

From → Jokes

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